Indiscretions
by SnapeCheerleader
Summary: Short little inner monologue about fate and destiny from Snape's POV right after Cedric's death in GoF. Heavily based on a quote from William Shakespeare's Hamlet, Snape's rather fatalist take on Lord Voldemort's return and his own role in what is to com


A/N: Okay, I'm not really sure what this has to do with anything, but I was sitting in English Lit today and scribbling away during a conversation about the role of Fate in Oedipus, and this just sort of wrote itself (funny how that happens) as a spin-off of the conversation.

I have no idea if this is connected at all to my Snapefic, The Price You Pay (last part coming soon!), or if it's supposed to be a completely different Snape, or...whatever. Anyway, it's supposed to be an inner monologue of Professor Snape's shortly after Cedric's death, when he realizes he'll probably be asked to go back and become a double agent of some sort again.

As always, Severus Snape sadly does not belong to me, he belongs to J.K. Rowling. Even if it did take her four books to finally give him a background and a story. Hmph. And the quote at the beginning belongs to William Shakespeare, but I think he's out of copyright. Extra credit for whoever can name who said that "life imitates Shakespeare".

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Indiscretions

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Our indiscretion sometime serves us well  
When our deep plots do pall, and that should learn us  
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,  
Rough-hew them how we will.  
--Hamlet (V, ii, 8-11)  


Someone once said that all life imitates Shakespeare.

Of course, someone once said a lot of things I find to be utter nonsense. But maybe, just maybe this time they were on to something.

I've always scoffed at the idea of Fate, or Destiny, or God, or whatever it is you want to call it. Nothing is predestined. Fate is just the excuse that failures make to themselves when things spin hopelessly out of control.

Or so I would have told you, once.

Shakespeare wrote that no matter what we do, no matter how we plan our lives to go, we have no control over what eventually happens. A rather depressing thought, when you think about it. I mean, just why exactly are we here, then? Are we just part of this great big game that the heavens are playing, manipulating us little chess peices because it's so terribly amusing?

But if Fate doesn't exist, why this feeling that I'm being rushed headlong toward an abyss, and if I close my eyes I see the edge rushing up to meet me through the darkness and I _know_ sure as I've ever known anything that there's nothing I can do to stop it, nothing I can do to keep myself from falling....

I wasn't supposed to ever feel this way again. At least, that's what I told myself for the last thirteen years. I mean, I became a _teacher_! Not exactly considered a dangerous profession, if you discount the occasional exploding potion. I just never thought it would happen again. Students are dying, just like last time, and I know what I'll be asked to do.

And I'll do it. Even though I don't want to, even though it will probably kill me. I'll do it. Because I don't have a choice.

That's what Fate means.

Shakespeare called it "indiscretion". By that he meant every little thing you do, whether you plan it to have an effect on your life or not. Only they do have an effect, all those little things. Even our careless little acts, conspire against us to achieve Fate's ends.

You can't escape your destiny.

Like me becoming a teacher. I thought it would be penance for my sins, a way to serve the man who gave me a second chance. The last thing I counted on was it being a direct path back to my past.

I just never accounted for the fact that I would have _him_ as a student. And now, because he is predestined by the circumstances of his life to fight this battle and defeat the enemy he has already defeated once before, the battle has been extended to those around him. His friends. Cedric Diggory. _Me_.

I wonder if he knows yet. If he realizes how little control he truly has over his life.

Most of all, though, I wonder what is coming next, and what I'll do to face it.

That's the thing about Fate, you see.

You don't get to find out what yours is until it's run its course.

And then it's too late.

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A/N: Okay, if you couldn't figure it out, the "him" at the end is Harry, by the way. I don't really understand how Hamlet manages to work his way into almost all my fanfics somehow, either in the text or the title. I swear I don't mean to! That play takes over your whole life once you read it....

As always, reviews and flames are equally welcome, just some sort of response if you actually read this! And if it was any good at all, do me a favor and check out my actual story_, The Price You Pay_, as well! Shameless plug, huh? :-)

Flame away! But kind reviews would be welcome as well, of course.....


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